I had one too many issues to sort out back home over the weekend and decided to escape to the most private place I could think of – my room! No luck, so I decided to take a bath and hoped that when the knocks on my door received a reply of “I’m in the bathroom” it would end… fat chance! I got out of the bath a while later upset, then almost immediately amused and started thinking of what else could have gone wrong… I’m sure we’ve all experienced at least one of these irritating interruptions;
1. The phone rings. You try to ignore it but eventually drip your way across the bedroom ruining your brand new carpet you only installed the day before, risk pneumonia ‘cos your air conditioner is on sub zero temperature. Just as you reach the phone it stops.
2. The phone rings and keeps on ringing. After doing further damage to your health and carpet you answer the phone to discover it’s a wrong number.
3. You decide to forward your house calls to your mobile hone and bring it into the bathroom with you. The first time it rings it startles you and you knock it into the bath.
4. In the midst of the inelegant process of shaving your legs, the bathroom door opens and your boo walks in. seeing what you’re up to he says “those legs don’t need shaving, they need mowing” and starts laughing at his brilliant sense of humour. He succeeds in running out and closing the door as you hurl a soaked sponge at him. You are left to mop the floor.
5. You have just settled into a steaming bubble bath with a gin and tonic at your elbow when you suddenly remember you have an impromptu meeting at work…and it started 20 minutes ago.
6. You have once again settled into a steaming bubble bath when the doorbell rings. Rushing to the door with the oldest most tattered bathrobe you could find you open the door to find your boss and his wife who you’d been trying to impress by inviting to dinner ever since you heard your name was on his list for a promotion.
7. You have taken your library book into the bathroom in order to have a quiet read. Time passes by pleasantly and you have reached a really exciting point in the story. However, you realise the water is now lukewarm. Leaning forward to turn on the hot tap, you slip and the book falls in. Naturally when you retrieve it, all the pages are stuck together.
8. Just as you are beginning to enjoy your bath you realise you forgot to turn the gas off under your dinner.
9. You lie back contentedly in your lovely hot bath and then you remember that you planned to wash your hair and have left the shampoo you bought earlier in the room. You go down to get it but as you get out of the bath you catch your foot in the chain plug. When you get back the bath is empty and you’ve used up all the hot water.
10. You realise that the only way you can ever have a bath without interruptions is by making sure you’re home alone so you dispatch your family to the stores with a long shopping list - and remember another reason you sent them to the shops is ‘cos you’ve run out of bubble bath!
11. You have returned from the hairdresser with a wonderful new do and before you go out for a posh date you decide to have a luxurious bath. You lean over to turn on the tap – and the shower comes on.
12. Your enjoying a warm bath and sipping on some nice champagne the in comes your boo, sits on the toilet and goes on to have a number 2 while asking how your day has been.
13. You are planning a sexy bath a deux. You’ve even got the bottle of champagne and glasses. In an excess of passion, you knock the champagne bottle and its entire contents, well chilled, into the bath.
14. You and your man are having a romantic weekend away in a hotel. While he goes down to empty the car you decide to have a bath. When there is a knock on the bedroom door you leap out covering your bare essentials in suds to give him a damp passionate kiss, you open the door and its room service here to make sure you have everything you need.
15. Success! You have now achieved what you were beginning to believe was impossible. You have had your bath, washed your hair, shaved your legs. No one has interrupted you. You feel at peace with the world. As you get out of the bath you remember how that morning you decided to put all the towels in the wash so they are all still soaking wet.
16. You have decided to do this properly. Everyone is out of the way, you have your nice music on, bath water is at the right temperature. To enhance the mood you turn out the lights and light a candle. After a delicious 20 minutes, you lazily reach for the soap, knock the candle into the bath and are plunged into total darkness!
17. You get into the bath and reach for soap, bubble bath and shampoo but they are nowhere to be found – they have mysteriously migrated to your lil sisters bathroom, as well as your new fluffy towelling dressing robe.
18. As you peacefully lie in the bathe, the door bursts open and you huge pet dog charges in straight from your muddy garden and leaps into the bath with you.
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